I wannas sexs uuuuu
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
