getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Randomize
