youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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