i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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