She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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