i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
