I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
