One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Did I show you my penis last night?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
