I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Hippo gnu deer
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize