I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Randomize
