I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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