on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
