hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
