Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
literally had 100 drinks last night.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
