Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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