I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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