i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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