are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
