when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize