I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
