i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
