You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize