Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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