Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
