If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize