why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
