I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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