forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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