I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize