there's paper in my vomit.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
