But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
