More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
