I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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