your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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