i can't believe i had my finger in that
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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