from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
