I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
