coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
