I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
