I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
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