pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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