You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
