he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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