Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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