My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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