Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
