Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
