OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
