Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
