The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
