yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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