whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
