what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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