...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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