a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
as a side note pls kill me
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
