Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
