Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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