Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize