I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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