please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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