I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
